Saturday, October 18, 2014

July 27-28th 2014 - I have a BABY BOY!

   Alright, I know I haven't updated any of this in the last several months because I've been through so much.  But here goes.

Labor and Delivery

   Sunday July 27th, I'd been having contractions, braxton hicks over the last week and was sent home from the hospital twice.  Sunday afternoon my contractions were painful, I called the doctor and was told to time them for the next hour.  I did and they were 4mins apart for the full hour.  My friend was at home with me while my husband and aunt ran to the grocerty store.  I felt bad that she had to sit and watch me go through the labor pains, but I must say, Kelly was very comforting, rubbing my back when I had one.  As soon as everyone was back from the store we went to the hospital.  I was hooked up to the machines, my contractions continued to get stronger and more painful.  The nurse came in and said she could see them every 3-4 mins on the monitor.  The resident finally came and checked me.  I WAS NOT DILATED any more that I had been over the last week.  I was in shock.  And then began crying my eyes out when I was sent home! Home?  You've got to be kidding me?! What am I to do at home?  Wait for my water to break? How much closer could these contractions get?  Or go home and wait to pass out from all the labor pain?  Take your pick, but I was being turned away.  I went home and continued to have contractions every 4mins for the entire night.  I was in major pain.  For the ladies.....imagine your worst period cramp escalate to 100 and then hold it in your fist and then there was a secondary pain, a white hot shooting pain down my hip flexors on both sides that prevented me from standing straight up.  While having this I would run to the bathroom because you have an overwhelming feeling of pressure and a need to push something out.  I was in so much pain and so angry that I was sent home I almost pulled the towel rack off the walll and had to stop myself from punching a hole in the wall.  And ladies, you will void everything!  At least I did.  Eating was no longer a concern.  You feel nothing but pain and anxiety.  Me and my husband and my poor aunt had to deal with my back and forth all night, my odd pain noises, and cries of frustration.  I knew that having this baby at home was not an option because I tested positive for strep B and that could be a fatal complication to the birth of my child.  I knew I would have to have IV penicillin on board before delivering.   I held out until 8am.  My husband called and explained what had happened all the day before and all through the night, they asked me to come in and I said I refuse to come in to be turned away they have to do something.  She said okay they would give me meds so that I could rest.  I managed to get dressed and as I waited for those two to get ready was on the floor screaming because now I would swear someone was ripping my pelvis apart.  I suddenly screamed out, "We have to leave right FUCKING NOW!".    Off we went.  My husband blew every red light on the way, with caution of course, thankfully we didn't get tickets in the mail later, and my aunt hung in there for the wild ride to the hospital as I was in the back trying to climb the seats with no where to go.

Finally We're Here!
   As soon as I arrrived, they already knew me becaused I'd been in and out so much, the doctor came straight away to check and said I was dilated to 5cm.  They began right away hooking up my IV, fluids and starting the antibiotics as well as great medication called Nubain.  I was able to finally get some rest and no longer felt any of my contractions.  After the fact I was told by my husbband that according to me there was a purple elephant in the room and some other statements of delusion were made as well.  I stayed down in labor and delivery until was dilated to 7 which took hours.  Put it this way, I was admitted around 8am and did not have my baby until a little after 8pm. 

 Once I was moved upstairs I had the option of the epidural.  At that point the nubain was wearing off, I asked for more and got a half dose and was debating the epidural.  At this point my body was done with the pain I'd endured over the last 4 days.  I had reached my limit and approved the epidural after speaking with the anesthesiologist and weighing all the risks, especially since i have a bad back.  Let me tell you, that epidural is no joke and you feel a few things with that going in and will most certainly have a contraction as they are doing it.  As soon as it's in you have instant relief and numbness to both legs.  Seems that you'll be numb more on one side than the other.  
Ladies don't believe when you are told that you can't turn down your epidural.  Yes you can.  If you can't feel even the pressure of your contractions or atleast flex your foot and wiggle your toes, in my opinion, it's too much.   I had mine cut back and it was prefect.  I'm thankful that I made the choice to have one because they had to add pitocin because my contractions were not strong enough and I was super slow to dilate. That means you'll be in even more pain.  Speaking of pain.  The penicillin hurts like a bitch going in IV and I had 3 bags of it. You must have a bag every 4 hours and they run it in quickly.

Time to Push
   Now this was awkward.  They kept checking me and eventually had to break my water and finally I was at 10!!  Then they say okay it's time to push.  In my head i'm thinking, push? Just push? That's it?  No more warning or preparation? Just push and instantly you have an addition to your life?  Suddenly my bed  is transformed and I'm being told to wait for the pressure and just push.  One nurse has one leg, my husband has the other, very dead, heavy leg, and I pushed.  Three rounds of pushing and he was out!  I remember him coming out and me looking at a mini me.  My eyes about popped out of my head at how much this little person I've been carrying around looked like me!  They laid him on me and he instantly stopped crying and got comfortable until they took him away to have everything done.  This was all in the same room of course.  Then he was turned over to my husband and my aunt while I was stitched back together.  Yes, I had a small tear that took them forever to perfect and I'm thankful for that. When asked by the nurse how I felt, I replied, "Hungry!"  lol I was given a hospital grade turkey sandwich and juice.

Time to Move
   They turned my epidural off the second he was out and I had to wait for that to wear off in order to get to the bathroom and pee because they continued to threaten me with a catheter if i didn't urinate soon.  Finally I couldn't sit anymore any braced myself to get to the bathroom.  I didn't think about the mess I would trail until the nurse came in and caught me getting up.  Oops!  Oh well, I was cleaned up, urinated, ice packed, had my baby in hand and was on my way upstairs to my room.  

The Devistation
   Once we are moved in to our new room for the next 2 days they take baby Gabriel away in to the nursery to start running his blood tests and doing his first complete physical.  He was given back to me fairly quickly.  Then the doctor comes in with the bad news.  I couln't keep my baby with me because he was jaundice and had to be placed under lights.  I was okay with that.  I gave him up and they told me I'd be able to breastfeed him as needed .  But early that morning I was then told he was not responding and would be sent to the NICU.  I was okay for a few moments.  I was explained what happened and why and asked all my questions and was okay.  I thought, well I tell people these things everyday at work with their animals and I totally understood everything that was happening.  But suddenly the tears and devistation kicked in.  Although it was all mapped out and rational in my head I couldn't stop my overwhelming emotional reaction.  I realized that my body had gone through so much over the last 40 weeks to bring this little boy in to the world and I'd be leaving with nothing.  I would have to leave my precious baby behind.  I was hurt and confused and felt helpless.  The tears began to freely flow and my heart broke.

   Gabriel stayed in NICU for the first week of his life blindfolded and under lights in a little box.  He was having his heels pricked constantly for blood and I felt horrible for him.  Thankfully his time on IV fluids was short lived.  I would go home and pump like a mad woman to produce milk for my little one.  I traveled back and forth to the hospital at all hours  including 3am.  My husband was taking this just as hard as I was and would go to the hospital at all hours as well. I constantly brought in milk.  My husband and I would sit, watch, and wait for Gabriel to wake up so that we could feed and hold him for maybe 15mins.  It broke my heart to leave him there.  He would cry as he was bliindfolded again to be placed back in his box with nothing but a diaper on.   At one point I about refused to go to the NICU.  I went anyways and broke down in tears in the hallway.  His time there was effecting me and I was getting very depressed. I cried all the time wanting nothing more than to have my baby boy at home.  His test results played with my mind because they would improve and then decline again.  The blood levels were eventually low enough for him to come home as long as I promised to return the next day for blood work.  And to see the pediatrician right away. No problem for me, just give me my baby!

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