Thursday, July 24, 2014

38-39.5 Weeks- Emotions are Running High

I returned to my doctor's office last week for my 38 week visit with an attitude that it was a great waste of my life to even show up.  The night before I'd set up in my mind that I was not going to go so that I could hear more bad news that I'm no closer to delivering the body snatcher inside of me.  Instead I woke up that moring and decided to go.  What else was I going to do with my day?

At this point in pregnancy you get used to checking in, getting weighed, blood pressure being taken and then asked everytime to pee in a cup.  No biggie, off to the bathroom I go.  What happens?  I pee in the cup, wipe, and mucus plug!  I got super excited! Certianly that has come out, I must be significantly dilated and OMG labor must be on it's way right?!?!?!  WRONG! Once again! 

I head in to my doctor only to be told i'm hardly dilated and it means nothing.  JOY!  Once again I'm super shot down feeling like this is never going to happen.  Even though at this visit I'm informed that I'm having contractions that I'm not feeling.   Start of contractions?! Plug gone?!  And yet it means nothing?  My emotions are certainly being toyed with.  He made sure to let me know that these are nothing but fake contractions getting my body prepared for some point down the line....whenever that may be....sigh.

That appointment was on a Thursday and I went the rest of the weekend without being aware of the contractions unless I was touching my belly and could feel it harden because they were not hurting at all.  Sunday arrives and I'm having some discomfort with things, trouble walking because I'm certain at any moment my pelvis is goin to split in half, and at times a little back pain.  I spent most of my day in and out of the stores getting errands and last min baby things finished.   I layed down that night at bed time only to shoot up at 10:30pm with cramping, pain, contractions, sick, running to the bathroom and thinking wtf is going on?!  I calmed down, took a shower, and put my aunt and husband on alert. I then sat up the next few hours counting contractions, the ones that still didn't hurt, until they were pretty consistent with every 4min 30 seconds.  At 1:30 am we're loaded up and headed to labor and delivery with me banking on being sent back home.

OF COURSE I WAS SENT HOME!  Why wouldn't I be?  How incomplete would this series of events be if it wasn't another opportunity for my emotions to be played with like a cat playing with a poor insect before eventually killing it, but not before pulling all of it's legs off?  I was hooked up to monitors, had an ultrasound, and then a physical.  Nothing!  Contractions have stopped, physical revelaed nothing, baby is fine and plenty of fluid still around him.  Back home we go after hours wasted.  Hit the bed at 5am and up for work at 9:30am- 4.5 hours later. 

39 Weeks Check Up

I worked my normal work week and left early the last day of my shift becuase I was having trouble walking with a few of the contractions because they were causing "back labor".  These were then 13mins apart for a while.  I get home and they virtually stop.  

I walk in for my doctor appointment this morning and NOTHING! I promise you my cervix has managed to super glue itself closed again!  At this point I'm emotionally devistated.  I started to cry right in the office.  I didn't want to hear any of it.  I then asked what could I do to help this along?  Could I please be induced?  Anything?!  I was told nothing would be done until I was 41 weeks pregnant.  That is then when they would, "...throw in the towel".  Until then I would have to deal with running to the bathroom twice an hour in the night now, burning hips, and the ever increasing pelvic pain that is now causing me to take baby steps because any stride longer that that made the pain worse.  I would swear to you at the point if i took a larger stride my leg would certainly just dislocate and fall off.  Either way I had to come back again in a week.  A week?  For more bad news?  To endure this emotional abuse? HA!  And I stormed out in tears without another appointment.

What do I do now??

Prepare for the baby? Mani Pedi? Go some place?  Yeah right!  I have all the baby things finished, I just had a mani pedi and walking is just painful.  My options are limited.  In fact after writing this that'll be even less things I'm able to do.  Sigh.....I guess they'll see my face at work on Monday.


Anonymous said...

Honestly, I dont understand how a pregnant mother can refer to her unborn child as a bodysnatcher. Did your son choose to be concieved? No. You chose to have unprotected sex and wether or not you chose to bear a child, its your fault and responsibility. Not if, but when your child sees what you wrote, because yes, there are people in your/his life that will save these blog posts and show him, he will feel terrible, unwanted, and devistated. Secondly, writing about how terrible you felt when you learned it was a boy, not a girl? How is your son going to feel when someone tells him you didnt even want him because he wasnt your perfect little daughter? Honestly you seem much too selfish and immature and just downright negative to give the appropriate amount of love and growing environment to this little boy and I pray for him, and that you learn to love and embrace the wonderful gift of a son that God has given you. It made me extremely sad to read these postings and I hope you learn and change your thinking if, for nothing else, the life of your son.

Alonna James said...

And you ate the reason why sui many mothers that have these same rights due to hormone and other life changes feel ashamed to admit how they feel and therefore prolong getting any sort of help for being depressed while pregnant. I was happy to find posts of this sort because they help me cope with feelings that are NORMAL while pregnant. And obviously you have not read how I've come to get over these feelings. Obviously I knew it could have been a boy or a girl and chose to move forward once pregnant. I was just as stunned by my reaction as any, but when that happens you deal with it. My child will never feel unwanted or unloved. Just as I know what my mom went through during pregnancy makes me feel no different. That was one woman that could thankfully relate to what I was feeling and help me out day to day. Keep your ignorance for someone else because you've clearly taken my post out of context.

Alonna James said...

Are the reason why so many mothers that have these same thoughts*