38-39.5 Weeks- Emotions are Running High

I returned to my doctor's office last week for my 38 week visit with an attitude that it was a great waste of my life to even show up.  The night before I'd set up in my mind that I was not going to go so that I could hear more bad news that I'm no closer to delivering the body snatcher inside of me.  Instead I woke up that moring and decided to go.  What else was I going to do with my day?

At this point in pregnancy you get used to checking in, getting weighed, blood pressure being taken and then asked everytime to pee in a cup.  No biggie, off to the bathroom I go.  What happens?  I pee in the cup, wipe, and behold.....my mucus plug!  I got super excited! Certianly that has come out, I must be significantly dilated and OMG labor must be on it's way right?!?!?!  WRONG! Once again! 

I head in to my doctor only to be told i'm hardly dilated and it means nothing.  JOY!  Once again I'm super shot down feeling like this is never going to happen.  Even though at this visit I'm informed that I'm having contractions that I'm not feeling.   Start of contractions?! Plug gone?!  And yet it means nothing?  My emotions are certainly being toyed with.  He made sure to let me know that these are nothing but fake contractions getting my body prepared for childbirth.....at some point down the line....whenever that may be....sigh.

That appointment was on a Thursday and I went the rest of the weekend without being aware of the contractions unless I was touching my belly and could feel it harden because they were not hurting at all.  Sunday arrives and I'm having some discomfort with things, trouble walking because I'm certain at any moment my pelvis is goin to split in half, and at times a little back pain.  I spent most of my day in and out of the stores getting errands and last min baby things finished.   I layed down that night at bed time only to shoot up at 10:30pm with cramping, pain, contractions, sick, running to the bathroom and thinking wtf is going on?!  I calmed down, took a shower, and put my aunt and husband on alert. I then sat up the next few hours counting contractions, the ones that still didn't hurt, until they were pretty consistent with every 4min 30 seconds.  At 1:30 am we're loaded up and headed to labor and delivery with me banking on being sent back home.

OF COURSE I WAS SENT HOME!  Why wouldn't I be?  How incomplete would this series of events be if it wasn't another opportunity for my emotions to be played with like a cat playing with a poor insect before eventually killing it, but not before pulling all of it's legs off?  I was hooked up to monitors, had an ultrasound, and then a physical.  Nothing!  Contractions have stopped, physical revelaed nothing, baby is fine and plenty of fluid still around him.  Back home we go after hours wasted.  Hit the bed at 5am and up for work at 9:30am- 4.5 hours later. 

39 Weeks Check Up

I worked my normal work week and left early the last day of my shift becuase I was having trouble walking with a few of the contractions because they were causing "back labor".  These were then 13mins apart for a while.  I get home and they virtually stop.  

I walk in for my doctor appointment this morning and NOTHING! I promise you my cervix has managed to super glue itself closed again!  At this point I'm emotionally devistated.  I started to cry right in the office.  I didn't want to hear any of it.  I then asked what could I do to help this along?  Could I please be induced?  Anything?!  I was told nothing would be done until I was 41 weeks pregnant.  That is then when they would, "...throw in the towel".  Until then I would have to deal with running to the bathroom twice an hour in the night now, burning hips, and the ever increasing pelvic pain that is now causing me to take baby steps because any stride longer that that made the pain worse.  I would swear to you at the point if i took a larger stride my leg would certainly just dislocate and fall off.  Either way I had to come back again in a week.  A week?  For more bad news?  To endure this emotional abuse? HA!  And I stormed out in tears without another appointment.

What do I do now??

Prepare for the baby? Mani Pedi? Go some place?  Yeah right!  I have all the baby things finished, I just had a mani pedi and walking is just painful.  My options are limited.  In fact after writing this that'll be even less things I'm able to do.  Sigh.....I guess they'll see my face at work on Monday.

37 Weeks - My emotional attachment to being dilated

My Emotional Attachment to Being Dilated - According to my doctor.

I went in for my 37 week check up and was hoping since I was only 3 weeks away from being due that surely there must be some sort of change happening in there bringing me ever so close to delivering this baby!  TMI alert - I was having lots more fluid happening and thought I could have possibly had some sort of partial rupture and knew that the fluid could be tested.  

BOY WAS I EVER WRONG! - Fluid was not from a rupture and I was NOT dilated at all!  I was super upset and the not so nice words started to fly until my doctor stopped me.  He then told me, "You know what it is? It's your emotional attachment to being dilated."  He then explained the plain truth about the situation.  The fact is I could have been 4cm dilated and it wouldn't have mattered at all becuase I was not in active labor and I could stay that way for weeks. So emotionally would I have been even more wrecked finding that out? I could go home that night, cervix super glued shut as it was, and suddenly go in to active labor.   He was right.  What was I to do except for except the facts, suck it up, and move on with my life impatiently awaiting my due date.

At this point I'm tired of the leaking faucet I have going on, tired of not sleeping because I have to run to the bathroom every hour if not more fequently during the night.  I'm still working and at this point if I must get on the floor with an animal, getting up is not only very difficult but painful.  My swelling has increased, my joints are hurting, and I'm suddenly unable to wear my wedding rings due to the fluid retention.   When I sleep my hips and muscles burn like fire causing me to roll every hour.  Makes me feel like a chicken rotating her eggs every so often so they are cooked evenly on all sides.  All I can say at this point is, I'm tired and OVER IT ALREADY!