I returned to my doctor's office last week for my 38 week visit with an attitude that it was a great waste of my life to even show up. The night before I'd set up in my mind that I was not going to go so that I could hear more bad news that I'm no closer to delivering the body snatcher inside of me. Instead I woke up that moring and decided to go. What else was I going to do with my day?
At this point in pregnancy you get used to checking in, getting weighed, blood pressure being taken and then asked everytime to pee in a cup. No biggie, off to the bathroom I go. What happens? I pee in the cup, wipe, and behold.....my mucus plug! I got super excited! Certianly that has come out, I must be significantly dilated and OMG labor must be on it's way right?!?!?! WRONG! Once again!
I head in to my doctor only to be told i'm hardly dilated and it means nothing. JOY! Once again I'm super shot down feeling like this is never going to happen. Even though at this visit I'm informed that I'm having contractions that I'm not feeling. Start of contractions?! Plug gone?! And yet it means nothing? My emotions are certainly being toyed with. He made sure to let me know that these are nothing but fake contractions getting my body prepared for childbirth.....at some point down the line....whenever that may be....sigh.
That appointment was on a Thursday and I went the rest of the weekend without being aware of the contractions unless I was touching my belly and could feel it harden because they were not hurting at all. Sunday arrives and I'm having some discomfort with things, trouble walking because I'm certain at any moment my pelvis is goin to split in half, and at times a little back pain. I spent most of my day in and out of the stores getting errands and last min baby things finished. I layed down that night at bed time only to shoot up at 10:30pm with cramping, pain, contractions, sick, running to the bathroom and thinking wtf is going on?! I calmed down, took a shower, and put my aunt and husband on alert. I then sat up the next few hours counting contractions, the ones that still didn't hurt, until they were pretty consistent with every 4min 30 seconds. At 1:30 am we're loaded up and headed to labor and delivery with me banking on being sent back home.
OF COURSE I WAS SENT HOME! Why wouldn't I be? How incomplete would this series of events be if it wasn't another opportunity for my emotions to be played with like a cat playing with a poor insect before eventually killing it, but not before pulling all of it's legs off? I was hooked up to monitors, had an ultrasound, and then a physical. Nothing! Contractions have stopped, physical revelaed nothing, baby is fine and plenty of fluid still around him. Back home we go after hours wasted. Hit the bed at 5am and up for work at 9:30am- 4.5 hours later.
39 Weeks Check Up
I worked my normal work week and left early the last day of my shift becuase I was having trouble walking with a few of the contractions because they were causing "back labor". These were then 13mins apart for a while. I get home and they virtually stop.
I walk in for my doctor appointment this morning and NOTHING! I promise you my cervix has managed to super glue itself closed again! At this point I'm emotionally devistated. I started to cry right in the office. I didn't want to hear any of it. I then asked what could I do to help this along? Could I please be induced? Anything?! I was told nothing would be done until I was 41 weeks pregnant. That is then when they would, "...throw in the towel". Until then I would have to deal with running to the bathroom twice an hour in the night now, burning hips, and the ever increasing pelvic pain that is now causing me to take baby steps because any stride longer that that made the pain worse. I would swear to you at the point if i took a larger stride my leg would certainly just dislocate and fall off. Either way I had to come back again in a week. A week? For more bad news? To endure this emotional abuse? HA! And I stormed out in tears without another appointment.
What do I do now??
Prepare for the baby? Mani Pedi? Go some place? Yeah right! I have all the baby things finished, I just had a mani pedi and walking is just painful. My options are limited. In fact after writing this that'll be even less things I'm able to do. Sigh.....I guess they'll see my face at work on Monday.
Well I'm pregnant! (13.5 weeks) It was totally unplanned, but it's happening now.
I'm the type of person that could live the rest of their life without a child and be totally happy, but I knew when I decided to get married that this would mean having at least one child; I was okay with that. I just expected this to happen in late 2014 or early 2015.
My Experience thus far?
The first 5-6 weeks were okay, I didn't feel pregnant, no hormonal changes, nothing. I was working out and doing everything I had been doing before. I was even proud of my gains in the gym and was lifting better and better every week. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Around 6 weeks I all of a sudden had a major migraine that lasted for about 5 days. From there I just started feeling like crap. I started to get really tired, I was so nauseated that eating was not an option for me and I was coming to work sick for every shift with a massive headache (not migraine). I was really unable to consume anything due to the nausea, I was hypersalivating, dry heaving, and hardly able to get out of the bed without feeling motion sick or the need to run for the toilet. At 8 1/2 weeks I found myself in the ER. I woke up that morning, I hadn't eaten much in days nor been able to hydrate much, I showered and all of a sudden felt very week and then my body began to hurt all over. I felt like I was shutting down. I called my other half home and we went to the emergency room where I was hooked to IV fluids and given IV zofran to calm down the nausea. I stayed for several hours, it wasn't fun and I had no intentions of returning. From there I was put on anti-nausea oral meds so that I could at least eat. Although I was not vomiting much substance they still said that I had hyperemesis. I lost 10+ lbs by my 12 week doctor visit. I was also unable to take any vitamins because they cause me to want to puke.
Crackers? That's a Joke!
Crackers don't solve anything (in my case) and believe me, if the little person inside of you wants to send their order back up to you, it will happen no matter what you eat! Believe that! It didn't matter when I ate, or what I ate, if I was nauseated food was not an option and if I forced myself to eat it was all going to come back up even if it took a few hours.
13.5 weeks - My current situation
My 24/7 nausea is finally starting to get a little better, not much but a little bit. I'm no longer sleeping 12-14 hours or more a day. I'm starting to have small spurts of energy between sleeping hours and am out of the bed more. I am still not able to run errands alone. I can't depend on my energy levels so if I venture out alone it has to be a short grocery store trip. I've come borderline to passing out or just puking in the middle of a store because I either reached my energy limit or needed to eat something right away.
Yes, I had an ultrasound done at 12 weeks and well.....I'm not telling what it's supposed to be :-) I'll wait for my visit at 20 weeks to confirm the sex a bit better at that time. I'm just happy that I have access to an ultrasound, I took a peek early this morning and I'm almost certain of the sex at this point.
What do you think it is? Hope it is?
How Have I Made It This Far So Sick?
Thankfully my wonderful other half has been my saving grace. He has had to wait on me 24/7. Remember, for most of this I was unable to even get out of the bed and get food for myself. I'm no longer able to eat fast food, because I want to vomit just thinking about it, so that means quick meals like that are no longer an option and food has to be cooked at home. There were days where I thought I had energy, would pull things out to do, and without fail be unable to finish. Things were constantly left all over the house for him to clean up. I don't know how the house would have gotten cleaned, my laundry done, errands, food cooked, the cat taken care of, groceries etc. without him. I didn't expect such a major blow to my system. I'm thankful everyday I have such a supportive person by my side.
The Emotional Toll
This is life changing for me. I'm super INDEPENDENT! I don't ask for help or expect help in the least bit. This experience rendered me so helpless for such a long period of time that it has been a super blow to my ego and confidence.
What Have I Learned So Far?
I've learned that I'm in it for the long haul with the right person. The demands I've placed on him, the amount of things I need, followed by the lack of attention I give to him because I'm either too sick or asleep......some men would have just thought that this was all way too much to deal with. He's in it for the long haul. Never once did I hear a complaint or once did I hear him say, "will this be over soon" or "how much longer will I have to do this for you". His focus was on making sure I was as healthy as I could be in my condition.
I just pray that the following weeks to come allow me to get back to normal and that I continue on with a healthy pregnancy.
Pictures to be posted soon. Not much going on with my tummy just yet.
